My name isn't Greta Jane...

My name is Melanie and I make the things on this website.

I was born and raised in Paris, France. I came out hairy, small and fussy, and remain so as an adult.


  • 10 out of 10

    "You either love her or you need to return your vagina for gross negligence."

    DYP Refillery

  • Excellent.

    "Totally worth it"


  • I won't ever go back to normal cards!

    "I can't count the amount of times I've needed an emergency card with a penis on it. I've tried other cards, ones with aubergines or pickles but they were all poor substitutes. You can imagine my relief on learning that my quest is at an end."

    Barack Obama