This post is dedicated to Nutella. 

If I get one more targeted ad for shapewear, I will RIOT

Targeted advertising, and in particular those telling me to sausage my flaps into a beige body glove made for ANTS, can suck a dead dog’s dick.

Those fucking shapewear ads are ruining the internet for me! Every time I open Instagram I am beset with these ads implying that my fleshy assortment of folds is no longer welcome on this planet. It’s not what I like. It’s not nice. NOT NOICE. 

I am 5’4 [I’m 5’3] and objectively thin [ish? I think that I actually have no idea what I really look like. Buuuut, I have stuff that sags. The boy and the girl I made like to tell me that my body is melting. I like to tell them that I put bird poop in their pasta and I often give them the bird behind their back.]

These ads are killing me. Because if I’m being honest, there is very little in the way of me purchasing one of these damn things. It delicately hinges on me having one bad day - or a day where my uterus decides to triple in size and I can’t button up my pants  - and my little raisin brain will think “Shapewear! What fun!”. Next thing I know,  I’ll be licking the Nutella off my fingers to swipe up and purchase the sausage casing. 

Look out ladies, the flagrant eating disorders previously repackaged and pushed onto us as clean eating and diarrhea tea are now sold alongside these skin suits. Ah nuggets. I'm not going to go into a tirade on the societal pressures to cut carbs out of our lives or how these shapewear suits are rebranding body dysmorphia to the word “snatched”. 

Whatever. This is me, saying that I am clearing my internet history! I am wiping my cookies and caches! I am blocking third party websites! I am leaving for Mars tomorrow where the shapewear ads will never find me again, HAHA, suck it surveillance capitalism!



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